China, Nanjing

The First Annual Nanjing Olympics

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While London 2012 was winding down, we brave few in Nanjing were not content to simply sit back and watch the ‘athletes’ have all of the fun. Midst all of the tears and cheers in the so-called ‘real’ Olympics, some of Nanjing’s finest cricketers (which isn’t exactly a ringing endorsement given the popularity of cricket in China) rose bright and relatively early on a gloomy Saturday morning to contest the first annual Nanjing Olympics.

Foreigner life here in Nanjing generally revolves around weekend drinks and, in the case of the men of Nanjing Nongmin and the aptly named Bogan’s Cricket Club, a game of cricket is usually involved as well. With one of my team’s stalwarts heading back to the US of A to pursue bigger and better things, we’d planned a testimonial match, but cricket doesn’t play so well in the wet. And so it was decided we’d run Nanjing’s first (and possibly last) Nanjing Olympics.

Take that, Nanjing 2014 Youth Olympics!

And back from a far from cheap holiday to the United States, I was determined to bring home a bit of gold to sell off on eBay.

Event #1 – The Beer Sprint

If there was any one event I was confident of winning, it was the individual beer skull. As an Australian, I was basically breastfed with more potent beer than the likes of Tiger, the cheapest beer in China and therefore the one nominated for the event.

But more than that, I pride myself on being able to chug like an absolute champion. I’ve put people to shame in South Korea, Australia, Fiji, New Zealand, China, and the United States in the past and I was feeling quietly confident that in a straight up skull – I had anybody’s number.

But then things got tricky…

  • Five meter sprint
  • Vault a bar bench
  • Five meter run to drinking station
  • Skull a pint of Tiger
  • Five meter run back to the bench
  • Vault bench and sit with hands on knees

A straight up chug had just become something remotely athletic and my choice of footwear was not looking so hot.

The Bogans got off to a flyer with big South African, Kobus finishing in sixteen seconds and hefting the bench above his head in celebration. His efforts were soon overshadowed by the efforts of New Zealand’s Kenyan Squirrel, Hamish. The mad bastard did it all in a shade over 12 seconds!

To make matters worse, Nanjing Nongmin (my cricket club) are not renowned for their drinking prowess. In fact, two of our team were disqualified for strolling to their beers. One of them even had the audacity to light up! Our other two fared little better, and so it fell to me to bring back a little pride.

The moment before the race starts is tense. Sweat beads on my brow, my stomach grumbles, and my taste buds are recoiling in advance. Switching from an ice cold Crown Lager to a sun-warmed Tiger is going to be torture. Brent’s hand drops and we’re off!

I daresay I was the only one on attendance who regularly runs, but damned if running in thongs (flip flops for you American perverts) isn’t a frustrating experience. The chug itself was as quick as I’d have liked, but that last five meters with a belly full of bad beer is torturous. I settled down and waited for my time…

18 seconds!

Beer skull medals
Kobus, Hamish, and myself celebrate our medals in the Individual (Beer) Skull

I would have to settle for bronze in the day’s first event, while the Bogans took a healthy lead as they took out gold, silver, and fourth place as well. But event #2 was a Nongmin specialty. I’m talking…

Nanjing Nongmin Medal Count: 1 (Bronze)
Chris Beer Count: 2 (1 Tiger, 1 Crown Lager)

Event #2 – The Rum Tower Team Skull

Talking 2 is the designated haunt of my co-workers and team-mates, and it’s also our official cricket club. This translates into cheap Tiger (meh) and cheap towers of rum & coke (woohoo). So it was that each team nominated four members to participate in a team chug of an entire barrel of the stuff.

The rules:

  • One team member starts by filling his glass and drinking.
  • The next team member cannot start pouring until the empty glass is on the table
  • First team to completely drain their tower wins
rum drinking
Ready…set…drink! High stakes rum drinking isn’t IOC approved, but it’s a popular event at the Pirate Olympics.

For the Nongmin it was Lynchie, Tony, Azam, and Pat. With Lynchie and Tony the two disqualified for taking too damned long in the individual race, you’d have thought we were no chance, but age and experience shone out over the younger Bogans team and it was won at a landslide. Nongmin didn’t get any gold, but did pick up some valuable points on the tally to decide which ‘nation’ would win the first Nanjing Olympics.

Nanjing Nongmin Medal Count: 1 (Bronze)
Chris Beer Count: 2 (1 Tiger, 1 Crown Lager)

Event #3 – Longest Drive, Golf

The venue for the next event couldn’t have been more perfect, a former Olympic venue of some sort – the converted baseball park had seen better days, but lived on as a golf driving range by the very good German brewery in my neck of Nanjing.

Nanjing Olympics driving range
Inexplicable Olympic logo outside of a seedy driving range. Serendipitous!

The longest drive competition would be divided into brackets and have some pretty simple rules.

  • Each competitor receives three swings.
  • A miss counts as a swing.
  • In the event of a draw, each competitor will have another swing.
  • The winner of each round would go into the second round.
  • Second round winners would take part in a three way final where each drive would be measured to decide an overall best total.
Scary baseball field
I had no idea this place even existed, but we’re already in negotiations to host a cricket tournament here under lights.

Prior to that fateful day, I had no idea just how difficult it is to actually hit a fucking golf ball. But there were more complete misses than there were memorable drives, and one nameless South African at one point sent the club about twenty meters farther than the ball.

It didn’t count towards his total.

golf swing
One of the less atrocious efforts of the day. Photo by Kevin Wise.

I’d initially been drawn up against Kev, otherwise known as ‘The Truth’ for his often tall tales. To say it was a cripple fight of epic proportions is an understatement. Golf is definitely not my game, and I’ll continue to ridicule it as a woman’s sport until I learn to play it.

I did somehow make it through to the second round, but the Bogans’ Brent quickly put an end to my dreams with a first up 150m drive that put my own efforts to shame.

golf gold medalists
Lynchie claims the Nongmin’s first gold in the Nanjing Olympics. Photo by Kevin Wise.

But the Nongmin flag would fly highest at event’s end, with Lynchie snaring gold due to some allegedly unscrupulous scoring from one of our team-mates. We weren’t going to complain though, taking out gold while the Bogans had to settle for silver and bronze.

Nanjing Nongmin Medal Count: 2 (1 Gold, 1 Bronze)
Chris Beer Count: 4 (1 Tiger, 1 Crown Lager, 1 Tsing Dao, 1 Budweiser)

Event #4 – Pool

By this stage in the day the beers had been flowing a while and the lads who had competed in the rum skull were definitely looking a little ginger. To make matters worse, nobody had thought to eat anything.

But just like good athletes, we pushed through the pain/inebriation barrier and made our way to the pool hall for the next event.

olympic pool
Look at my fine form! Lining up a (missed) shot in the pool finals. Photo by Kevin Wise.

Now, I am excellent at pool. Unbeatable. Magnificent.

But only after the right amount of beers. One too few or one too many and I am fucking awful. Guess what I was on the day?

Yep, fucking awful.

In more straight elimination, I somehow made it to the three way final after both of my previous opponents had either sunk the black early or sunk the white while on the black. In both cases, I’d had 2-3 balls still on the table.

Pool at the Nanjing Olympics
The crowd gathers to watch Jamie represent the Bogans against Azam in the finals. Photo by Kevin Wise.

The final came down to myself, the Bogans’ Jamie, and our very own Pakistani bringer of pain, Azam. Despite all three of us not having actually legitimately won a game on our way to the final, Jamie pulled out to sterling performances to win back to back games and relegate Azam to silver and myself to bronze. Le sigh.

pool medalists
I snare my second bronze for the day, but it’s Jamie who reigns supreme in the pool tournament of the Nanjing Olympics. Photo by Kevin Wise.

Nanjing Nongmin Medal Count: 4 (1 Gold, 1 Silver, 2 Bronze)
Chris Beer Count: 7 (1 Tiger, 1 Crown Lager, 2 Tsing Dao, 3 Budweiser)

Event #5 – Poker

The second to last event of the day would be a late addition, with ten pin bowling replaced with a bit of four way Texas Hold’Em at Jimmy’s.

New Zealand poker champion
Hamish has on his game face (and his gay hat) in the poker final. Photo by Kevin Wise.

With Poker not exactly being my strong suit (pun intended), I decided to turn my attention to the tower of beer on our table and the Philly Cheese Steak sub I’d ordered. With that much dedication, it’s probably no surprise that I crashed out three hands in and turned my attention to the footy instead.

The final again came down to a mostly Bogans affair, with only Lynchie on hand to represent Nongmin in the tournament’s decider. The little Aussie battler added a bronze medal to his day’s haul while Hamish grabbed his second gold and Canada’s own Troy (the Wonderboy) snatched an unlikely silver.

poker medalists
Troy, Hamish, and Lynchie celebrating their performance in the Nanjing Olympics’ poker tournament. Photo by Kevin Wise.

Nanjing Nongmin Medal Count: 5 (1 Gold, 1 Silver, 3 Bronze)
Chris Beer Count: 10? (3 Tiger, 1 Crown Lager, 2 Tsing Dao, 4 Budweiser)

Event #7 – Trivia

The final event of the evening was another I was quite confident of taking out. Growing a fucking epic beard is not my only talent – I’ve also got a great memory for utterly useless trivia. Whether it’s venomous snakes, foreign capitals, famous people, or coupon codes – I have this frustratingly inapplicable level of knowledge that finds its home in drunken trivia competitions.

It was more straight elimination and I cruised through using superior intellect and superior sobriety (if you can believe it) to brush past Brent and Troy on my way to another final featuring two Bogans. The questions came thick and fast, but ultimately I was unable to name a group of frogs (it’s called an army, apparently) and Kobus from South Africa was again able to snatch gold. I would take out silver, but the day belonged to the Bogans.

And perhaps the people selling us beer. There wasn’t a sober man in the house by the time the tournament came to an end.

Medalists at the 2012 Nanjing Olympics
All of the medalists (and participants/losers) posing one last time before it all goes pear-shaped. Photo by Kevin Wise.

Nanjing Nongmin Medal Count: 6 (1 Gold, 2 Silver, and 3 Bronze)
Chris Beer Count: Come here often, beautiful?

Glory!

In the end, the event wasn’t really about individual results or even which ‘nation’ did better. We’d all turned out to wish our good friend, Pat a fond farewell. If there is one facet of my life here in Nanjing that stands out head and shoulders above the rest, it’s the top group of blokes I get to drink, play cricket, and generally run amok with.

While we’re usually content with Friday night beers and a game of cricket on a Sunday, these little events are a nice change of pace. We’ve got a cricket sixers tournament in Xiamen coming up and planning for the 2013 Nanjing Olympics may already be underway.

Special mention has got to go out to Hamish for not only arranging everything – but also printing bibs, making medals that stained the winners’ shirts, and generally ensuring it all went along smoothly.

P-Wizzle
The man of the hour enjoying a hand of poker earlier in the evening. Photo by Kevin Wise.

And while Pat didn’t get on the podium in one of his last Nanjing events, that’s never really what Pat has been about. If you’ll indulge a little sappy sentimentality, it’s about the friends you make and the experiences you have. And taking home a lovely Chinese wife certainly hasn’t hurt Pat’s time here either.

To Pat: All the best.

To the Bogans: Next year, you bastards. I’m already in training.

Your Say

Ever participated in a fun, quirky, or off-the-wall foreigner event while living the expat life? I’d love to hear all about your favorite random experiences while abroad.

 

 

 

China, Production Diary

Production Diary #1 – Writing a Chinese Sitcom

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Note: The image above is from the popular Chinese sitcom, iPartment. It has recently been accused of stealing jokes and scenarios from both Friends and How I Met Your Mother. We will not be doing that >_>

Yeah, you read that right, I’m lead writer in a team working to put together a Chinese sitcom. More than that – I’m also one of the star characters.

Ten years ago when I received my Bachelor of Arts with a major in theatre, I never once dreamed I’d ever have the chance to be in a genuine television show. And I certainly never anticipated that the show would be being filmed and aired halfway around the world in China.

Hell, I didn’t think I’d ever even live here.

Recruited

How does a humble ESL teacher/travel blogger become involved in a Chinese sitcom? Well, that’s a long and not very interesting story. Suffice to say, a friend saw a post on a Nanjing expat website and suggested another friend and I get in touch about doing some extra work.

Heading to our meeting with the producer at Blue Sky, we had no idea we’d take on such crucial roles in the entire process. Over beers with Tian, the man behind last year’s hotly debated web-series, Nexpats, we began to realize that he had something entirely more ambitious in mind than a series with low production values and a cast made up of people with no real experience in acting.

Above: The trailer for the original Nexpats. You can see Nexpats episode one here.

As we talked, it became clear that Tian had set his sights high. We weren’t making some crummy web series. We weren’t even aiming so low as to compare ourselves to a basic cable series. No, Tian likened what he had in mind to How I Met Your Mother or Friends, but for a Chinese audience?

Did I think it was possible? Not on your life.

Do I think it might be possible now? I’m starting to think success isn’t beyond the realms of possibility.

The Premise

Like all successful sitcoms, the series focuses on the lives of some relatively ordinary people. And unlike the overly serious (and often melodramatic) tone of last year’s Nexpats, this one aimed at being a funny and engaging show about expat life in China, or more specifically, in Nanjing.

Let’s meet the cast:

  • Marcus: A 28 year old Englishman who came to China in 2008 for the Beijing Olympics and hasn’t really left. He works an unsatisfying teaching job beneath an oppressing boss and where he shares office space with Cherry, Obama, and Cindy. As of late, he has begun questioning whether it is time to return to the real world.
  • Cindy: Marcus’ 26 year old Chinese girlfriend. Like Marcus, she feels the pressure to become a ‘grown up’ and has begun to push Marcus for more commitment than their largely clandestine affair.
  • Obama: Marcus’ Chinese roommate. A man-child obsessed with American culture, he believes he and Marcus to be better friends than they actually are.
  • Cherry: Marcus’ co-worker and a girl who showers him with unrequited attention. Aggressive and sometimes downright psychotic, she’s determined to make Marcus hers at any cost.
  • William: Marcus’ oldest friend in China. A 29 year old Australian who quit the teaching life to cross over into business in Shanghai. A womanizing, arrogant, and often offensive lout – he does have a soft spot that he keeps buried underneath a magnificent ginger beard and a gruff exterior.
  • Natalie: A 25 year old American student studying Chinese traditional medicine. She is naive, bullish, and often overwhelmed by just how different China is to what she had expected. Prone to trusting what she reads over what she experiences, she ends up in embarassing situations entirely too often for her liking.
  • Aaron: Natalie’s 26 year old American boyfriend. It’s never quite clear what Aaron does for money, but he does have a steady stream of random jobs. A man with a laid back demeanor and an odd sense of humor, he and Natalie couldn’t be less alike.
Chinese sitcom cast
Myself (William) and Kara (Natalie) long before we knew we’d be co-stars

At this point only the ‘white’ roles have been cast. I will (if it weren’t already obvious) play William while my friends Hoggie and Kara will play Marcus and Natalie respectively. Barron, the only survivor from the original Nexpats cast, is commuting from Shanghai to participate in filming. If you’ve watched the trailer above, he’s the larger guy pictured. Very funny guy and a talented actor.

The Writing Process for a Chinese Sitcom

Fairly early on, it became evident that we weren’t just going to be acting. Nor was our input going to be limited to simply suggesting a few common foreigner ‘mix-ups’ to base scenes around.

No, we three would be the lead writers on the entire show. And if you had the misfortune of reading the cliche riddled and comedy lacking original script, you’d better understand just how much work it looked like it was going to be.

But the biggest challenge (bigger than the prospect of writing six episodes from scratch) was writing a Chinese sitcom that would be funny to us as Westerners, but also accessible to a Chinese audience. That challenge remains the biggest hurdle we face every time we sit down to write – even two months on.

Six episodes are done and we’re now working on a seventh and final one. We’ve explored common foreigner issues such as racism, miscommunication at work, pressure from ‘the real world’, the risks of traveling abroad with a partner, dating the Chinese, making friends in China, and language barrier. I’m pleased to say that only one episode ends without me having bedded at least one nubile Chinese girl.

And that was the episode I wrote.

Womanizing Australian
I ask you, does this look like the face of a womanizing jerk?
Don’t answer that!

What’s our process? Kara, Hoggie, and I regularly get together to brainstorm ideas and bounce jokes off of one another. Combining an Australian’s often crude sense of humor with an Englishman’s love of the surreal & absurd and an American’s love of convention hasn’t been easy, nor has been working to ensure our jokes are both accessible and inoffensive for a Chinese audience.

When an episode is complete, it’s passed on to Tian who reviews the plot and generally picks it apart. A meeting is held and Melanie (our production assistant) joins us in brow-beating Tian into submission when his ideas are bad. When they’re good, they’re taken down and we try and find a way to work them into the script.

Occasionally, our production company chimes in. And that leads us to…

Production Headaches and Miscommunication

We’ve only met our production team (Dream Street) once and it was an unmitigated disaster. Nobody on their staff speaks or reads English, and nobody on our cast/writing team speaks or reads Chinese.

What ensued was the most awkward two hours of my life. The foreign crew huddled on a couch and were occasionally instructed (through an interpreter) to stand up and ‘act out’ the unfinished script. We would then be criticized for not using the imaginary props or knowing the script (which was not one we’d written) off by heart.

On our end, we quickly became frustrated with being largely ignored as the Chinese in attendance talked amongst themselves and we were left out of the process.

Since then, we’ve enjoyed a somewhat frosty relationship with the people who will be directing and filming the show. And the biggest issue?

The Casting Process for a Chinese Sitcom

While Kara, Hoggie, and I seemed to land our roles in the show by default – Barron was brought back on board after being the sole genuinely talented member of the Nexpats cast. But since bringing together the foreign contingent before my US trip, no progress has been made on casting the Chinese cast members despite our continued requests.

With filming on episode one supposed to be in the can before Kara heads to Europe on September 18th, we’ve still yet to meet a single member of the Chinese cast. When you consider one of them needs to look like they’re comfortable dating a foreigner and another (Obama) is supposed to be my character’s bestest bud, you can see why we might want to spend some time building a rapport with our co-stars.

But it’s more than that. The biggest frustration we’re having as writers is that we’re creating these amusing characters (Obama is the show’s comic foil and Cherry isn’t far behind) – we have no idea whether the actors exist to pull off the roles. It’s not just having an understanding of English – it’s going to require genuine comedic timing.

And as somebody who landed a good many HDs (high distinctions) as an actor in comedic roles, I can tell you that comedy is not as easy as reading funny lines from a bit of paper. Don’t let Jerry Seinfeld convince you otherwise.

We’re around three weeks from the proposed wrap for episode one’s shooting, and we’re short a cast, locations, and a shooting schedule. To say it’s seeming a little disorganized is an understatement and I feel bad that Tian has to hear our worries because he’s our line to the production company.

But when/where can I see it? (And what’s it called?

The name, at this point, remains a mystery. The schools of thought are split between Tian and we Western writer folk. We’re still battling to come up with something mutually pleasing. Care to help?

  • Go East
  • Lost in Transit
  • Chinatown Bus
  • This is China (TIC)
  • Be Gentle, I’m Oriental
  • When in China

Any of those grab your attention?

As soon as I know, you best believe I’ll be sharing it on my YouTube channel and letting you all know. The tentative filming schedule has/had us finishing our pilot by September 18th and filming the other six episodes in time for a December release. We’d then begin work on season two writing for a Spring Festival (Jan/Feb 2013) shooting schedule.

Between the pilot and filming the remainder of the season, we’ll be doing the rounds with the media. I’m talking newspapers, local magazines, TV, and even being wined and dined should things get off and running in good order. And you best believe they’ll all be receiving Aussie on the Road business cards…

Stay Tuned

So there’s the story so far. We’ve got seven (I think) funny episodes, half a cast, and big dreams. Hopefully you’ll all get to see them realized.

Hopefully, this show launches me from teacher/travel blogger to teacher/travel blogger/mega-star in China. That’d be nice.

Countdowns, United States

Five Things to do in an American Summer

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The American Obsession

When you think about the American summer, what springs to mind? 4th of July fireworks? BBQ and Bud Lite or (shudder) Pabst Blue Ribbon? How about young love at summer camp or taking a break from it all in a cabin by the lake?

Off topic, but check out Joss Whedon’s new movie, The Cabin in the Woods. It’s tops.

The fact is, there are more cliches when it comes to an American summer than almost anything else. Living in Australia, we’re fed a steady stream of US TV shows, books, and movies – so it’s not a surprise that the idea of spending summer in America has always held appeal to me. From Grease to American Pie to the works of Stephen King, I’ve always been enchanted by and drawn to the American lifestyle.

That might be obvious given my track record with American girls – my current girlfriend is from Maryland and I dated an Idaho girl for two years as well. There was a lass from Seattle in there at some point as well.

So, when I received an invite to my friend Rob’s wedding earlier this year, I was most excited to read it would be held in Chicago in early August. As soon as I got to China and had my feet under me, I’d put in for five weeks leave so that I could experience an American summer first hand. And boy, did I!

I’m talking fireworks over Miami, theme parks, walking the boardwalks of Ocean City and Santa Monica, hiking in beautiful Yosemite National Park, collecting seashells on Sanibel Island, drinking beer on the Oregon Coast, kissing pretty girls on hot summer nights, and eating entirely too much fast food along the way.

There’s a whole slew of entries to come about a lot of the above, but for now, I thought I’d recount five quintessentially American experiences that anybody should experience before they die.

Five Things You Must Do in an American Summer

Summer is almost over in the United States for another year, so perhaps put a few of these on your own bucket list and save them for a rainy day. When you’re next stuck in traffic, listening to your mate ramble on about his boat finance in WA, or staring listlessly out the window at work, conjure up a few of these travel daydreams and start putting money aside. For me, an American summer is an experience any traveler (not from the US) should experience.

Rollercoaster at Ocean City, MD
The rollercoaster at Jolly Roger’s boardwalk amusement park in Ocean City, Maryland.

The Boardwalk Experience

There are few images quite as iconic as the garishly lit boardwalk in summer. The sun is setting over the ocean and the air is thick with the smells of hot dogs, cotton candy, fresh popcorn, funnel cake, and burgers still sizzling on the grill. Couples young and old are wandering hand in hand and the distant purr of the ocean is oftentimes drowned out by the tinny music of carnival attractions and the hustle and bustle of a crowd of merry makers.

The food may be heart-stoppingly bad for you and you’re likely to come home with more tacky souvenirs than you’ll ever need, but there’s just something ubiquitously American about boardwalk culture. Whether you’re enjoying the street performance or trading in game tokens for a stuffed toy, it’s hard not to be transformed back into a kid under the brightly colored lights.

Bixby Bridge, California
Driving Route 101 was one of the highlights of my US trip this summer. Bixby Bridge is pictured here.

Go on a Road Trip

I spoke at length about the best US road trips only last week, and I enjoyed a few lengthy drives myself during my recent tour. Movies like Road Trip and Into the Wild have glamourized the road trip and made it more mainstream, but it’s still very much the same as it’s always been. Friends, a car, a cooler full of drinks, and liberal stops at roadside service stations and fast food joints to ‘refuel’.

With a few good mix tapes (or playlists, these days) hooked up and sleep coming in shifts, the road trip transforms what is sometimes the worst part of travel into the most exciting part.

A good road trip also has the benefit of giving you freedom to travel at your own pace. No tour groups, no boarding times, and no fat guy snoring next to you on a long haul trip. Unless, of course, you invite one.

Arizona State Fair
At the Arizona State Fair in the fall of 2009. Good times.

Attend a State Fair

This one may seem similar to visiting the boardwalk, but a state (or even county) fair is another experience you just have to have. While we do have our own equivalent in Australian (agricultural shows or just ‘shows’), they rarely aspire to the same level of decadence that I saw when attending the Arizona State Fair in the autumn of 2009.

There are rides and food stalls aplenty, but there’s also the usual horde of sideshow games as well. But the true piece of Americana, and the reason I suggest a visit to the fair as part of any American summer itinerary, is to experience the culture of the locals. Tractor pulls, rodeos, concerts of local music, and arts & crafts exhibitions are all an excellent way to better familiarize yourself with the people and their day to day lives.

While the freak-shows of the dust bowl era may be well and truly behind us, there are still strange sights to behold. Over-sized cattle, giant white gators, fried insects to nibble on, turkey legs the size of my bicep… and let’s not forget the opportunity to people watch, either. Seeing locals out having a good time is a big part of the draw too.

Seattle Mariners at Safeco Field
Cody offers us a wee bit of funnel cake at the Mariners v Blue Jays game during my recent US trip.

Spend a night at the baseball

Often recognized as the American pastime, the American summer is baseball season and with over 2,300 games being played in the MLB alone each year – it really is something you should be able to find time for.

The barkers selling hot dogs, the organ playing songs like Take Me Out to the Ballgame, over-priced beer, foul balls heading toward outstretched gloves, and kids clambering for a glimpse of their favourite player combine to make a day at the baseball one of the most iconic American experiences a traveler can have.

I was lucky enough to attend a Seattle Mariners game during my trip, and that’s an experience I’ll share soon. But if the price of the MLB is too much for you, don’t forget there are minor league teams scattered across the United States. You don’t need to spend big bucks to enjoy a hot dog, a beer, and a good game of America’s most popular game.

Hayden Lake, Idaho
Soaking in the sun in Hayden Lake, Idaho back in 2009.

Rent a Lake House

In my eyes, nothing screams ‘American summer’ more than a lake house – but there’s no reason why a beach house shouldn’t feature in your itinerary either. Coming from Australia, a weekend or week away at the beach isn’t so unusual – but the idea of roughing it out in the wilderness by a lake is just alien to me. Australia just doesn’t have large bodies of fresh water.

I fell in love with Coeur d’Alene in northern Idaho when I first laid eyes upon its many lakes, and exposure has in no way dulled my fascination with these deep, blue, mysterious bodies of water. Maybe it’s reading too much Stephen King or watching too many movies – but lake houses just speak to me.

Above: My first leap into chilly Hayden Lake in the early fall of 2009.

The pine forest, the isolation, the stereotypical dock out over the deep water, and the everything that comes with a trip away to a lake house. Toasting s’mores, telling ghost stories, drinking from a red solo cup while floating in a tube. BBQing burgers and brats… I’m getting itchy feet just thinking about it.

Santa Monica Pier, California
Santa Monica Pier – arguably America’s most famous boardwalk.

Your Say

I’ve chosen five, but this list could easily be expanded to ten or fifteen. Hitting an amusement park, visiting a farmer’s market, heading to a National or State Park to do some hiking or biking, sailing, sunbathing, and countless other things leap to my mind as soon as I think I’m done compiling a list.

Summer anywhere in the world is a chance to get out and enjoy the warmer weather, but an American summer – to me – just can’t be topped.

What are your favourite things to do during the American summer?

Haven’t been? What do you do in your own country when summer rolls around? Do you think summer at home is better than a summer in the US?

The preceding post brought to you by Westralian Auto Finance.

Australia, Uncategorized

How to Speak Aussie: A Guide to Australian Slang

 54 Comments

A Rough Guide to Australian Slang

Australian English (or Aussie slang, really) is a language of subtle poetry. A beautiful tongue made up of colourful metaphors and delicately constructed witticisms, but it is also a language of simplicity. It is the language of a people who call things what they are while simultaneously looking to limit the amount of time it takes to get a point across. It’s a contrasting tongue – a mix of the obvious (calling soda ‘fizzy drink’) and the almost indecipherable (‘putting it on the Never Never’ means paying on a credit card).

Australian English is a language that takes a little getting used to, but I’m hoping this far from complete guide to Australian slang will put you in good stead for those awkward few days where it’s all ‘G’day’ and ‘Strewth’ and you’ve got no idea what’s going on. But damned if it doesn’t sound sexy in that Aussie drawl.

After my recent trek to the US showed me just how confusing our language can be, I’ve gone ahead and put through a (far from complete) dictionary of Australian slang for your reading pleasure. Please do let me know if I’ve missed any and I’ll be sure to update.

Food & Drink

Pavlova
Don’t believe was New Zealanders say. Hell, don’t even believe the facts – pavlovas are as Australian as Phar Lap and Russell Crowe.

Australian food and Australian slang have quite a bit in common. We’re a people of relatively simple tastes, and you’ll notice that virtually everything gets shortened down. I’m certain I’ve missed more than a few here – particularly when it comes to regional variations. Help a brother out!

  • Avo: Short for avocado.
  • Barbie: Short for barbeque.
  • Beetroot: Beet. Popular on hamburgers.
  • Billy: Tea pot. Sometimes also refers to a bong.
  • Biscuit/Bickie: Cookie.
  • Booze: Alcohol.
  • Bottle Shop/Bottle-O: A liquor store.
  • Brekkie: Short for breakfast.
  • Bush Tucker: Food made from Australian native plants and animals.
  • Capsicum: Bell pepper.
  • Carton/slab: A pack of 24 beers (cans or bottles).
  • Chewie: Chewing gum. Bubble gum.
  • Chips: Used for both potato chips and fries (sometimes called hot chips).
  • Chook: Chicken.
  • Cuppa: A cup of tea.
  • Damper: Bread baked in campfire coals.
  • Devon/Luncheon: Bologna.
  • Dog’s eye with dead horse: Rhyming slang for meat pie with sauce.
  • Esky: Cooler or ice box.
  • Fairy floss: Cotton candy.
  • Fizzy Drink: Soda. Pop. Sometimes called Soft Drink.
  • Frankfurt/Saveloy/Cheerio: Weiner.
  • Goon: Cheap wine, usually purchased in a 4L box or cask.
  • Grog: Alcohol of any kind. See also grog bog.
  • Hamburger: It should be noted that all cases of something served between buns are called hamburgers in Australia. There are no chicken or fish sandwiches. Only chicken and fish burgers.
  • Iceblock/Icy Pole: Non dairy popsicle.
  • Icecream: Specific to the variety served in a cone.
  • Jug: Electric kettle.
  • Lamington: A square of sponge cake covered in chocolate icing (frosting) and coconut.
  • Lolly: Candy.
  • Long neck/tall boy: A 750ml beer bottle.
  • Maccas: McDonalds.
  • Middy (NSW & WA)/Handle (NT)/Schooner (SA)/Pot (All other states): A beer glass measuring 285mls (10 oz).
  • Morning Tea: Similar to recess or brunch. A light meal between breakfast and lunch.
  • On the piss: Drinking alcohol.
  • Pavlova/Pav: A dessert made of meringue, fresh fruit, and cream.
  • Paw Paw: Papaya.
  • Pint (All states bar SA)/Imperial Pint (SA): A beer glass measuring 570mls (20 oz).
  • Piss: Alcohol. Ex: Nah mate, I was on the piss all weekend.
  • Pluto Pup/Dagwood Dog: Akin to a corn dog, but made using flour instead of corn meal.
  • Prawn: Large shrimp. Not eaten fresh from the barbie.
  • Roast: Sometimes called a baked dinner. A roast meat with vegetables.
  • Rock Melon: Cantaloupe.
  • Roo: Kangaroo meat.
  • Sanger: Short for sandwich.
  • Schooner (All states bar SA)/Pint (SA): A beer glass measuring 425mls (15 oz).
  • Silverside: Corned beef.
  • Skull: To ‘chug’ a beer. Generally in one go.
  • Smoko: A smoke or coffee break.
  • Snag: Sausage.
  • Spag Bol: Spaghetti bolognese.
  • Spirits: Liquor.
  • Spud: Potato.
  • Stubby: A 375ml beer bottle.
  • Sweets: Dessert.
  • Tea: Not to be confused with the drink. This is another word for dinner.
  • Tinny/stubbie: Can of beer.
  • Tomato sauce: Ketchup. What Americans call tomato sauce is known as pasta sauce in Australia.
  • Tucker: Food.
  • Tucker bag/box: A container for food.
  • Turps: Short for turpentine, but also used to refer to alcohol.
  • Vegemite: A salty, yeast based spread.
  • Yabby/Craybob/Crayfish: Fresh-water shellfish.

A Note on Beer Measurement: Australians love their beer, but they also love to confuse the hell out of anybody ordering it. Each state generally has its own terms for various glass sizes and, to confuse matters more, these names sometimes mean completely different things in different states.

australian beers
Which one is the odd one out?

A ‘schooner’ is 15oz/425mls in all states except South Australia, where it is a 10oz/285ml drink. Meanwhile, a ‘pint’ in South Australia is 150oz/425mls, but measures 20oz/570ml in every other state.

Confused? We all are.

Friendships & Dating

You may notice that Australians are a sometimes coarse people, and that is true of Australian slang and of dating in Australia. We’re not afraid to call a spade a spade and a prawn a prawn, nor do we shy away from discussing our sexual exploits with our mates.

I’m always surprised when I notice just how commonly used the ‘C word’ is in Australian day to day language. Hell, we drop the F-Bomb like it’s just another word.

funny bikini
I’ll be right back, lads. Just duckin’ down under for a few minutes.
  • B&S: Bachelors and Spinsters ball. A dance where singles meet.
  • Bastard: Often used as a term of endearment between friends.
  • Clacker: Anus. See also date.
  • Cobber: See mate.
  • Crack a fat: Get an erection.
  • Crack on: To hit on or make sexual advances towards. Ex: She goes alright. Reckon I might crack on to her.
  • Dog: An unattractive woman.
  • Franger: Condom. Ex: Mate, can you lend us a franger? This girl’s a bit of a goer.
  • G’day: Hi. Hello.
  • Gash: Vagina. See also flaps.
  • Gobbie: A blowjob.
  • Goes Alright: Somebody who ‘goes alright’ is considered to be an attractive and/or likable person.
  • Goer: A ‘goer’ is somebody who likes sex. Ex: She’s a bit of a goer.
  • Kangaroos loose in the top paddock: Crazy.
  • Map of Tassie: Pubic hair on a woman.
  • Mate: Friend.
  • Missus: Girlfriend. Partner. Wife.
  • Pash: A passionate kiss. French kiss. Ex: Did you guys pash last night?
  • Perve: Short for pervert. Also, ‘to look’. Ex: Yeah mate, I had a sneaky perv. She’s a bit of a prawn.
  • Pink bits: Female genitalia.
  • Prawn: A derogatory term for somebody with a nice body but a bad face. Similar to ‘butter face’.
  • Root: Sex.
  • Root rat: Somebody who is always looking for sex. Most men.
  • Shag: Sex.
  • Spunk: A good looking person. Usually male.
  • Tackle: Male genitalia.
  • Wristie: Hand job.

Sports & Leisure

  • Aerial Ping Pong: Derogatory term for Aussie Rules football. See also Gay FL.
  • Aussie Rules: Australian rules football. Popular in South Australia, Victoria, and Western Australia.
  • Bathers/Swimmers/Togs: Swimming costume.
  • Blue: A fight. Ex: Me and my missus had a blue last night.
  • Boil-over: An unexpected sporting result.
  • Bottler: A particularly exciting game.
  • Boys, the: The team. Ex: Full credit to the boys. They gave 100% tonight.
  • Budgie Smugglers/Banana Hammock: Y-Front swimmers for a man.
  • Cream: To defeat by a large margin. Ex: See the game last night? We creamed ’em!
  • Football/Footy: Dependent on region can mean Aussie Rules, Rugby, Rugby Union, or Association Football.
  • Full credit: Well done.
  • Rooted: Tired. Exhausted.
  • Rape: To defeat by a large margin. Ex: Did you see the game last night? We absolutely raped ’em!
  • Rugby: Specifically rugby union. Popular with wankers.
  • Rugby League: 13 man variety of rugby with a larger national following than rugby. Popular in NSW and QLD.
  • Wog Ball: Derogatory term for association football/soccer.

Names and Name Calling

Bogan
A bogan in his natural environment.

Name-calling in Australia is standard operating procedure amongst friends, and it’s not uncommon to be called worse things by your friends than by your enemies. It’s also, sadly, a language littered with racial slurs – a few of which I’ve included today. And like all Australian slang, it bounces from the imaginative to the painfully unoriginal.

  • Banana Bender: A resident of Queensland.
  • Battler: An ‘Aussie battler’ is somebody who works hard against the odds.
  • Bludger: A lazy person. Somebody unemployed.
  • Bogan: Akin to ‘white trash’. People of low income and generally low education.
  • Chink/Slope: A derogatory and racist term for an Asian of any kind.
  • Cockroach: A person from New South Wales.
  • Crow Eater: A resident of South Australia.
  • Cuntstruck: Spellbound by a woman. Equivalent to ‘pussy whipped’.
  • Dag: A socially awkward person. Ex: You’re such a dag, Tezza!
  • Derro: Homeless person. Short for ‘derelict’.
  • Digger: Soldier.
  • Dill: An idiot.
  • Dipstick/Drongo/Dropkick: Idiot. Fool.
  • Dux: Top of the class.
  • Feral: Hippie. Unkempt individual. Unattractive person.
  • Frog: A person from France.
  • Fucktard: Short for ‘fucking retard’. An especially dumb person.
  • Galah: A silly or unintelligent person.
  • Horse’s Hoof: Rhyming slang. A homosexual.
  • Kiwi: A person from New Zealand.
  • Larrikin: A man who is always having a good time.
  • Lemon: Derogatory term for a lesbian. Also dyke and lezzo.
  • Mexican: A resident of Victoria.
  • Piker: Somebody who leaves a party early.
  • Pom: A British person.
  • Poof/Poofter: Derogatory term for a homosexual. Fag is also common.
  • Seppo: An American.
  • Shark biscuit: A newcomer to surfing.
  • Sheep Shagger: A person from New Zealand.
  • Sheila: Woman.
  • Soap Dodger: A person from England.
  • Sook: An overly emotional or sensitive person. See also Sooky La La.
  • Sticky-beak: A nosy person. Can be used as a verb meaning “to look”.
  • Sunshine: Condescending term. A weak or emotional person. Ex: Quit your cryin’, sunshine.
  • Tasweigan: A person from Tasmania.
  • Wog: Somebody of Mediterranean origin. Not necessarily derogatory.
  • Woos/Wooz: A cowardly or soft hearted person.
  • Yank: An American.

Phrases

crocodile dundee
Crikey, cobber. Are you pullin’ me leg? Fair go!

These ones always make people laugh and there are a few here I rarely use. But I’ve heard every one of these more than once in my life and in my mind, they’re the best bits about Australian slang. Brace for amusement.

  • Back of Bourke: A long way away. See also Beyond the Black Stump
  • Built like a brick shit-house: Muscular or broad shouldered. Ex: Did you see him? He’s built like a brick shit house!
  • Busy as a cat burying shit: Busy.
  • Chuck a wobbly: To overreact to something.
  • Cross as a frog in a sock: Very angry.
  • Dingo’s breakfast: A yawn, a piss, and a look around. The absence of food.
  • Dry as a nun’s nasty: Very dry.
  • Fair suck of the sav: An expression of shock and disbelief.
  • Flat out like a lizard drinking: Very busy.
  • Give it a burl: Give something a true. Ex: Ah mate, I’ll give it a burl.
  • Give them the flick: To break up with somebody. Ex: Yeah, he was cheatin’ on me so I had to give him the flick.
  • Goes off like a frog in a sock: Pretty terrific.
  • Grinning like a shot fox: Satisfied. Happy.
  • Had a gutful: Fed up. Ex: Mate, I’ve had a gutful of your shit. Fuck off.
  • Have a gander: To take a quick look.
  • Have tickets on oneself: To have a high opinion of oneself.
  • I hope your chickens turn to emus and kick your dunny door down: I wish bad luck upon you, good sir.
  • I’m not here to fuck spiders: Why else would I be here? Ex: Want a beer, mate? Well, I’m not here to fuck spiders.
  • Lower than a dead dingo’s donger: Depressed.
  • Mad as a cut snake: Furious. Ex: Leave him be, Bruce. He’s mad as a cut snake right now.
  • Off his face/off her chops: To be very drunk. Either one is fine for either sex.
  • Piece of piss: Easy.
  • Pissed as a fart: Really drunk.
  • Pour yourself a glass of concrete (and harden the fuck up): Stop complaining. Ex: Oh, you cut your finger? Pour yourself a glass of concrete, sunshine.
  • Put it on the Never Never: Pay for something with a credit card.
  • She’ll be right: It will all be okay.
  • Spit the dummy: To become very angry. To have a tantrum.
  • Stands out like a dog’s balls: Obvious. See also Stands out like a shag on a rock.
  • Strike a light!: An exclamation of surprise or frustration.
  • Taking the mickey/Taking the piss: Making fun of somebody or something.
  • That’d be right: Accepting bad news. Ex: She’s not coming? That’d be right.

Miscellany

funny australia map
Pretty accurate, actually.

Didn’t find it anywhere above? There’s a good chance that enigmatic piece of Australian slang that’s had you scratching your head can be found below. It’s a messy little mish-mash of words and exclamations, but that’s why God (or was it Steve Jobs?) invented the search function.

  • Arvo: Afternoon.
  • Aveagoodweekend: Have a good weekend.
  • Beaut/Beauty: Something good. Ex: I just won the lottery. You beauty!
  • Big Note: To self promote. See also ‘talk up’.
  • Big Smoke: City.
  • Bloke: Man.
  • Bloody: Very. Ex: It’s bloody hot out today.
  • Blowie: Short for blow-fly. A large variety of fly in Australia.
  • Bogged: Stuck in the mud in a car.
  • Boondoggle: An expensive waste of money. A white elephant.
  • Bonza: Very good.
  • Bored shitless: Especially bored.
  • BrisVegas: Brisbane.
  • Cactus: Not working. Broken. Ex: Nah mate, I can’t make it; my car’s cactus.
  • Cark It: To die. Ex: Didn’t you hear? Her mother carked it on Sunday.
  • Chrissy: Short for Christmas.
  • Chuck: To throw or pass. Ex: Chuck us a beer, would you?
  • Chuck on: To turn on. Ex: Chuck on the telly, Kev.
  • Cleanskin: Unlabelled wine.
  • Cranky: In a bad mood.
  • Crikey: An exclamation of surprise.
  • Crook: Sick or unwell. Ex: Yeah mate, she’s real crook.
  • Cubby House: A small outdoor play-house. A tree house without the tree.
  • Daks/Strides: Pants. Trousers.
  • Date: Asshole. Anus. Ex: Did you see that? That guy just flashed his date at us.
  • Deadset: True.
  • Dinky Di: The real deal. Legitimate.
  • Dole, the: Unemployment benefits. Ex: Yeah, I’m on the dole, eh?
  • Dob: To tell on somebody or rat them out. Ex: You’re smoking? I’m going to dob on you!
  • Docket: Receipt. Bill.
  • Doovalacky: Gizmo. Fancy gadget.
  • Doozy: An exceptional event or occurrence. Ex: That party was a doozy!
  • Dumper: A wave that ‘dumps’ a person on their ass or head.
  • Dunny: Toilet.
  • Earbash: To talk at or yell at incessently. Ex: Mate, she gave me an ear-bashing last night.
  • Fair dinkum: Legitimate. True. Can be used as a question or a statement. Ex: Are you being fair dinkum, mate?
  • Fair go: A chance. Ex: Mate, you didn’t even give me a fair go. How fucked is that?
  • Fossick: To prospect for gems or minerals. Also, to look for something in general.
  • Fucked: Broken or unfair. Ex: It’s fucked.
  • Furphy: A lie or rumour.
  • Gob: Mouth.
  • Gone walkabout: Missing. Departed.
  • Good onya: Good job. Kudos.
  • Grog Bog/Bog Baby: The painful (and usually foul smelling) bowel movement one makes after a night of drinking.
  • Grouse: Good. Ex: A new iPhone? That’s pretty grouse!
  • Grundies/Undies: Underwear.
  • Gyno: Gynecologist.
  • Heaps: Lots.
  • Hooroo: Goodbye.
  • Kindie: Short for kindergarten.
  • Knock back: To reject. Ex: I had to knock the job back, mate.
  • Laughing tackle/laughing gear: Face or smile.
  • Mate’s rates: Discount for a friend.
  • Mob: A group of people.
  • Mobile phone: Cellphone.
  • Mozzie: Short for mosquito.
  • Nah yeah: Yes.
  • Nipper: A child.
  • No worries/no dramas: Not a problem. You’re welcome.
  • Nuddy: Naked. Ex: Yeah mate, I had to run around the Gabba in the nuddy.
  • Oi: Pay attention. Ex: Oi! Look at that sheila’s tits!
  • Olds: Parents. Ex: I’m going round to the olds’ place tonight.
  • Op Shop/Vinnies/Salvos: Goodwill or thrift store.
  • Out in the Sticks: In a rural area.
  • Pig’s arse: Not true. Bullshit.Ex: You slept with her? Aw, pig’s arse you did!
  • Pokies: Video poker machines. Slot machines.
  • Pommy Shower: To wear deodorant instead of showering.
  • Porky Pie: A lie. Ex: Mate, you’re telling porky pies!
  • Prezzie: Short for present.
  • Rack off: Get lost. Go away.
  • Reckon: Think. Ex: What do you reckon, mate?
  • Ridgy-didge: The real deal. Authentic.
  • Rip snorter: A great time. Ex: That party last night was a bloody rip-snorter!
  • Ripper: Good. Great. Ex: We won? You little ripper!
  • Rock up: To arrive. Ex: You can’t just rock up without calling, Shane.
  • Ropeable: Very unhappy.
  • Rort: To cheat or rip off. An unfair deal. Ex: Tickets to the Acca Dacca concert are a bloody rort!
  • Rubbish: Not true. Also, trash.
  • Scratchie: A scratch lottery ticket.
  • Shart: A fart with ‘follow through’ of the messy variety.
  • Shit house: Not good.
  • Shit Tonne/Metric Shitload: A lot. See also fuck tonne.
  • Sickie: Short for sick day. Ex: I don’t reckon I’ll go into work tomorrow. Might chuck a sickie.
  • She’ll be right: It will be okay.
  • Shoot through: Leave.
  • Shout: To pay for somebody else’s purchase. Ex: Your shout, mate. I’ll take a schooner of New.
  • Snarky/Stroppy: Being snide or critical. Short tempered.
  • Spewing: Vomiting. Or very angry.
  • Spiffy: Nice. Ex: That’s a nice hat, Shazza. Pretty spiffy!
  • Sprung: Caught doing something you shouldn’t be.
  • Squizz: A look. Ex: Give us a squizz, mate.
  • Strewth: An exclamation of surprise.
  • Stoked: Very pleased.
  • Stuffed: Tired. Not working anymore.
  • Tee up: Set up. Ex: I teed up an appointment at me gyno for tomorrow.
  • Telly: Short for television.
  • Thongs: Sandals. Flip flops.
  • Too right: Yes. Correct.
  • Uni: University. College.
  • Up oneself: To be arrogant or self obsessed. Ex: Don’t even talk to her, mate. She’s up herself.
  • Up someone: To be angry at somebody. Ex: She’s gonna get up you when she sees you, Trev.
  • Ute: Pickup truck.
  • Wag: To skip school.
  • Whinge: Complain.
  • Within Cooee: Nearby. Ex: Yeah mate. It’s within cooee of here. Just keep walking.
  • Wog: Influenza. Common cold.
  • Yak: Talk. Ex: Quit your yakking back there!
  • Yarn: A story. Ex: Tell us a yarn, Billy.
  • Yeah Nah: No. Ex: Yeah nah, I can’t make it this weekend, eh?
  • Yewy: U-turn. Ex: Mate, just chuck a yewy and we’ll be there.
  • Youse: You (multiple people). You all. Ex: Youse guys had better shut up.

Any missing?

I am 100% certain I haven’t covered the whole tapestry of words and images that make up Australian slang, so I need your help. If it’s not here, tell me! I want this to be a fun little resource for people, and that means getting as many words and phrases in as I can.

Strewth, mate! You’d think I was trying to pull the wool over your eyes. Just chuck us a few words and she’ll be right.

Headed to Australia?

You’ve brushed up on your Aussie lingo, so now it’s time to plan that dream trip to Australia!

Check out the Ultimate Australia Bucket List for some inspiration!

how to speak australian slang dictionary

Guest Post, Portland, Seattle, United States

Guest Post: The Beauty of the Pacific Northwest

 3 Comments

When asked what I love best about the United States, the Pacific Northwest inevitably comes to mind. Maybe it’s the region’s similarity to the green, cool, and wet region of Australia I call home, but there’s something very appealing about Oregon, Washington State, and even northern Idaho.

My recent hikes in Yosemite National Park have reminded me just how refreshing it can be to experience nature’s beauty up close and personal, and reading this guest post – I’m beginning to wish I’d found more time to spend with nature while in Oregon and Washington State late last month.

The post below makes a few suggestions, but I’d nominate the beautiful Oregon Coast (Seaside, Astoria, and Tillamook being particular favourites) and Multnomah Falls just outside of Portland as honorable mentions as well. In my eyes, the Pacific Northwest is a truly underrated gem in a country with an abundance of natural beauty.

Multnomah Falls
Beautiful Multnomah Falls outside of Portland is one of my absolute favourite spots in the United States.

The Beauty of the Pacific Northwest

The Pacific Northwest is the perfect place to escape from it all whilst reveling in the beauty of the great outdoors. The various hiking trails that can be found in this beautiful corner of the world will take you through a diverse array of landscapes ranging from cascading mountains to raging river gorges.

Forward planning is one of the most important aspects to remember when arranging any trip. When planning your hiking holiday it is essential to book your flights in advance if you want to ensure you don’t miss out. There is nothing quite as heart-breaking as leaving the booking of your flights to the last minute, only to find there are no seats left. Secure and book your flights with a site like Dealchecker and get ready to experience fantastic hiking options in the rugged beauty at the heart of the Pacific Northwest.

With so many incredible hiking trails available to take advantage of, it can be hard to know which one to choose. If you are staying in the area for an extended period, then why not opt to explore more than one?

The Coast

Floras Lake Beach – This beautiful beach hiking trail will take you along the coast giving you the opportunity to witness the spectacular 100ft high cliff lines. After that you can follow on the trail to enjoy the plentiful sand dunes and picturesque Floras Lakes during this 6 mile round trip. For all those adrenaline junkies out there the Floras Lake Beach also offers a number of water sports, including windsurfing.

Floras Lake Beach
Floras Lake Beach boasts fantastic wind-surfing, as does much of windy Oregon. Photo source.

The Columbia River Gorge

Coyote Wall – Coyote Wall is little known by tourists, but this columnar basalt ridge that rises across the river is truly stunning, as are the surrounding views. The hike features an abundance of native wildflower, flora and fauna. It is moderately difficulty due to the 1,700ft gain, but this can be avoided if you double back and return on the same path after viewing the gorge.

Coyote Wall
Hikers tackle the Coyote Wall in Oregon. Image source.

The Mountains

Mount Rainier- Starting out at the Sunrise Lodge, this hiking trail meanders 6,400ft atop the mountains paths. Guiding you past Frozen Lake to a breathtaking point at which you can almost reach out and touch the peak’s biggest glaciers; Emmons and Winthrop. This trail is best enjoyed during summer due to heavy snowfall in the winter months. It is a 10 mile round trip and is only for the most experienced hikers.

Mount Ranier
Probably the most iconic natural sight in Washington State, Mount Rainier looks ominously beautiful all year round. Image source.

I’ve given you three options above, but there is no shortage of stunning vistas and hidden hiking trails throughout Canada’s Pacific Northwest. If the above have whet your appetite, do a little Googling and you’ll find a wealth of places to explore.

Your Say

The Pacific Northwest of the United States (particularly Portland and the Oregon coast) is probably my favourite region in the United States, so I’m itching to check out more of the Pacific Northwest sometime.

Have you been? What would you recommend when it comes to exploring the USA or Canada’s great outdoors?

Oregon beach
A beach near Tillamook looking absolutely stunning on a warm summer afternoon during my recent US trip.