No More Money Belts – Bring on Adventure Underwear
I’ll be up front and say that Nigel and Franklin from Adventure Underwear approached me about trying out a pair of their new Adventure Underwear and doing a little promotion, but I’ve not been paid any money and the opinions below are entirely my own. Check out the Adventure Underwear Kickstarter here.
My Money Belt Story
November 24th, 2007
Sydney airport is crowded but I’m on my own little island of nerves and sadness. My mother, father, and youngest brother are huddled around me as the sea of people going about their lives washes around us. We’re a rock in the encroaching tide and every bit as unaware of the goings on around us.
With the security check-point just behind me, I’m becoming keenly aware that I am the same kid (albeit older, fatter, and hairier) than the one who used to call home from a sleepover at midnight to have my Mum come and get me. And here I am about to relocate to South Korea for a year of ESL Teaching.
Mum is crying. Izaak is crying. I am crying. Dad is… looking decidedly awkward at all the tears on such public display.
Wrapped firmly around my waist is the ugly as hell, virginity protecting money belt that my mother insisted I take with me. Like so many people – her idea of South Korea (and Asia in general) is perhaps a little naive. It’s not the den of thieves, pick-pockets, and criminals that Australia started as.
My passport, wallet, and a wad of South Korean won are all crammed in there and it’s decidedly uncomfortable. Despite being determined to tear it off as soon as I am beyond my mother’s site, I wear it not only for the entire 17 hours of the flight – but also for the three hour bus ride from Seoul to Gwangju and for the commute to my apartment.
In fact, it doesn’t come off until my shirt and pants do in time for a much needed post-arrival shower.
I never wore the ugly thing again.
The Value of a Money Belt
Don’t get me wrong, I understand full well the value of a money belt. While I’ve been lucky enough to have so far avoided being pick-pocketed or otherwise liberated of my goods, I know it’s a very real threat when you travel. And not even my awesome and intimidating ginger beard will scare away those who are desperate enough to resort to picking pockets.
But as important to me as my wallet and its contents are; my diginity is more important. A money belt is part chastity belt and part Hey! Look at me! I’ve never traveled before! and for a hip cat such as myself, I just can’t afford to be embarrassed while on the road.
As you can see from the above picture (and the countless photos of me in drag, photos of me humping things, and photos of me generally being a bell-end): I’m a man who can’t afford to be embarrassed while I’m on the road.
Enter Adventure Underwear
When Nigel from Adventure Underwear contacted me to offer me the opportunity to take the product for a spin, I was on board right away. One extra pair of underwear I can wear before laundry day? You bet!
But when they arrived, I realized just how neat these undergarments really are. Made from superfine Aussie Marino wool, they feel comfortable regardless of the temperature. No more swamp crotch in summer or shrinkage in the winter!
On top of that, they dry quite quickly, which is super handy if you’re going for an impromptu swim or end up being upended out of your canoe by an over-exciting Thai tour guide. Oh wait, I haven’t shared that story yet.
But the real selling point to these bad boys are the pockets on the inside.
Pocket #1 is for easy access, and is a great place to keep your wallet or some loose cash. The added layer of protection that is your pants means that only the most committed (or perverted) thief is likely to find your valuables while you’re out and about.
And really, if you’re getting robbed from a pocket in your underwear, at least you’re getting a happy ending to your misadventure.
Pocket #2 is waterproof; something I tested when I stripped off and showered with one of my student’s homework crammed into my underpants. You know, the kind of real life travel situation we find ourselves in on a near daily basis.
(I’m pleased to say my student’s homework survived unscathed, which is probably a blow to the English language).
No more worrying about your passport or your iPhone when you’re stuck in torrential South-East Asian rain! Heck, no more worrying about having to leave the iPhone hidden underneath the towel on a beach, either.
In fact, the pocket has been certified waterproof up to 200ft – so my passport and phone will survive my inevitable drunken drowning on some windswept beach. Or, you know, scuba diving. It’s probably good for scuba diving too. The dedicated chaps behind Adventure Underwear have even had them verified as food safe by the FDA. Now, that’s commitment to a project!
I tried to get somebody to take a photo of me wearing them, but it’s surprisingly difficult to convince a heterosexual male to come around to my apartment and take photos of me in my underwear. Maybe I need to buy them more wine?
In case I haven’t made it clear from my commentary so far, I really love the Adventure Underwear. In fact; Mum, if you’re reading, I would like more pairs for Christmas.
Enough Talk, Chris! How Can I Get Some?
I’m glad you asked, anonymous reader who totally just asked me that.
Adventure Underwear are currently on Kickstarter with a view towards raising $30,000 to fund production of these bad boys. The beauty is, you’re not being asked to chip in money for nothing. You buy some underwear and help these two industrious lads get their business up and running at the same time.
Go check out the Adventure Underwear Kickstarter if you don’t believe me.
It’s a great product and it’s two guys working their asses off to put something out there specifically for we travel minded folk. Get out and support them, and get yourself a stylish piece of adventure attire at the same time. You know you want to.